When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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