I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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