You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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