A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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