She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
