my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
