go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
