Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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