I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
