he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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