Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
