I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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