just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's always time for handjobs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
