he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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