Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
