Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
