who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
