we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
