I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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