I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
