I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
