anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
