She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
