On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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