I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
