You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
