This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
