Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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