I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
