Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
