I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
