Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
whose parrot is this?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
