Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
