i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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