Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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