Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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