Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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