Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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