i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
