my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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