i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
