Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
