he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
