Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
