my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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