I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
