Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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