There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Come on in and take your pants off
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