Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think my moral compass just broke
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
