Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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