i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorry my hands just texted you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
