some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
