singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
