I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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