forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
