My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
