Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
