You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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