Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
