Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
