I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
