some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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