Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
