According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
