she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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