Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
we should paint friendship bongs
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