where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
