I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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